The Good Grief Healing Kit
Grief is a beast, but most especially at the holidays.
Losing a loved one can be incredibly painful any time of the year, but I’ve found its most present for me at specific times: the holidays, the date that the person I lost passed away, their birthday, and days of my own life milestones that I wish I could share with them. Whether your grief is new or old, ever-present or more distant, I believe there is a tool for you in this kit that will help you to find some comfort and healing.
If you purchased the MAMA TRAUMA CARE KIT that I released for Mother’s Day, or the DADDY ISSUES CARE KIT that I released for Father’s Day, this follows a similar structure but has ALL NEW practices for you, developed to help you gently and lovingly move through your grief.
If you do everything in this kit, you will have a FULL day of ceremony, but you can also spread it out over time, and you can definitely use these practices over and over again.
I sincerely hope this kit will be a balm for you. I’m so proud of you for going on this journey, for committing to yourself and your healing, and I’m so grateful you’re allowing me to accompany you on the way!
Please understand that this work carries potentially re-traumatizing heaviness. The goal of this is NOT to send you into a traumatized state. If you feel you will need extra support from a trauma-informed specialist, I encourage you to complete this work with the help of your therapist, or contact me and we can set up a Spiritual Life Coaching session during which I can walk you through some Nervous System re-regulation techniques to help you cope.
Find the Ceremony Space + Cleanse
These practices are best done outdoors. The grounding energy of the earth can be deeply stabilizing to us when we have been removed from Divine Masculine energy for too long. If you don’t have access to a private outdoor space and you don’t feel comfortable practicing these in a public outdoor space, you may remain indoors, but try to stay on the floor for the majority of these practices.
Before you enter the space, shower or bathe. Water is incredibly helpful for diffusing tense energy, just ask any empath you know! You want to enter into this with a calm and open heart. Bathing also adds a little of the water element to what will otherwise be a very earthy day of ceremony. This is to energetically keep yourself feeling flowy and flexible, which will be necessary as you flow through different feelings and unfamiliar practices.
Cleanse with smoke. Smoke adds a little fire and a little air, ensuring that you are in the energy of fortitude and expression.
I recommend a Rosemary smudge stick. I do NOT recommend White Sage or Palo Santo, as their high demand has resulted in the over-farming of these plants and the ecological destruction of their environments. Additionally, White Sage has ceremonial importance to many Indigenous tribes, so if you’re not Indigenous and you want to be in respectful relationship with this culture, I’d stay away from using White Sage unless invited into the practice by someone of Indigenous descent.
Wear comfortable clothes that help you feel grounded (for example, I have a pink sweater that is basically my adult security blanket. I always wear it when I’m sitting in ceremony or doing hard Shadow Work).
Have plenty of water, facial tissues, a pen and journal, and snacks that your inner child might like as a reward (I like popcorn) available.
You may have pictures of your father or objects that are meaningful to your relationship with your father, if available and comfortable for you.
Include anything else you think you might like, particularly focusing on textures, music, and scents that make you feel grounded and secure.
If you choose to use sacred medicine like Cacao, THC, CBD, Psilocybin, MDMA, Ayahuasca, Peyote, Kambo, etc., please use sparingly and with an understanding of what your tolerance levels are, and if applicable, please recruit the help of a “trip sitter” or sober companion, keeping in mind the consumption laws of your area if you are in public.
Please do NOT use alcohol with this Kit. Alcohol is a depressant that damages neural plasticity, so it’s use is antithetical to this work.
A Gratitude Exercise
Lay on the ground. Breathe. You may have your eyes open or closed.
Notice the feeling of your lungs pressing out of the back of your body and into the earth beneath you. Feel the support of the earth holding you up, pressing against you, steadily and firmly.
Breathe intentionally and slowly, making sure your exhale is longer than your inhale.
Now focus on places where you are missing support in your relationship with your father. Allow the firm hand of the earth to hold you, lift you, support you, and be there for you in place of your father.
Allow yourself to fully feel whatever comes up for you, but don’t stop breathing.
Take as long as you need here, until you feel truly supported and safe.
If you need to shake it out after this exercise, this a beautiful way to release any pent-up energy and tension.
Journal Prompts
You may choose to do these all at once, or spread them out, as you see fit. Please take your time to feel into these, write intentionally and with curiosity. What you put in is what you’ll get out.
What sensations am I feeling in my body this Father’s Day? Any aches and pains? What do those physical experiences bring up for me emotionally?
What do I wish my relationship with my dad was?
If I could say anything to my dad, what would it be?
What might my father have been going through that made him treat me the way he did?
What can I / do I want to let go of when it comes to my dad? What can’t I / do I not want to let go of?
In what ways do I find myself distrusting of men that might tie back to my relationship with my father? Are there any other toxic behaviors I have towards men that can possibly reflect my relationship with my dad?
Do I know any fathers who I really admire? List them and why they inspire.
This next section of questions is for those who are parents or who plan to become parents:
What were some of the things I liked about the way my dad interacted with me / raised me as a child? What about things I didn’t like?
How might those behaviors or patterns affect the way I choose to raise my kids?
Putting myself in my younger-self’s shoes, how would I have preferred to have been comforted? Supported? Communicated with? Listened to? Disciplined?
Now how can I apply those preferences to how I parent my children / future children?
A Heart-Centered Meditation
This is a meditation I have been doing for many years, and every time I do, it’s absolutely magical.
Heart Coherence is a term coined by Joe Dispenza.
This meditation is 20 minutes.
Write A Letter
Get your paper and pen ready, stretch out your hands, take a few healing, intentional breaths, and write your dad a letter. This can be a 40 page letter if you need it to be—let it ALL out. Nobody is going to read this, and you’re not going to send it, so you can write anything you want, don’t hold back. After you’re finished with this letter, you can burn it ceremoniously, bury it, tear it into a million pieces, or any other way that feels appropriate for you to dispose of it.
If you’re not sure where to start, you can follow this template:
Dear (Lost Loved One’s Name),
Here’s what I’m feeling towards you right now:
I am angry about:
I am sad about:
I forgive you for:
I don’t forgive you for:
I wish:
I release:
Then sign off in whatever way you feel is appropriate.
A Practice in Letting Go or a Practice for Reliving Moments?
This is a great practi
A Reflection Exercise
Reflect on Death
A Mantra for Inner Peace
This is a prayer, a mantra, a meditation in and of itself. Take your time with this exercise and say it as many times as you need to in order to feel it deeply.
A Tapping Exercise
Guide them through EFT tapping re: grief not being weakness
A Mourning Exercise
My therapist said to me once, “Grief is just love with no place to go.” And I took that even further, realizing that this means that my heart is so big, so full of love, so capable of loving others (and, bonus! I’m not a sociopath!), and the object of my love was so worthy of love that I could hold this much grief over the loss of them. With that in mind, here’s a beautifully simple way of celebrating that love, and allowing your grief to become less bitter, and more bittersweet:
Make a list of everything you loved about your lost loved one.
Make a list of your favorite memories with your lost loved one.
Make a list of all the things you are grateful to your lost loved one for.
Burn the list, preferably outdoors in a fire-safe container. Allow the smoke to drift up and carry your love and gratitude into the sky, up into the heavens, out into the Universe.
Bury the ashes at the base of a plant, and allow those ashes to help new life continue to flourish.
I hope this Kit has been healing and soothing for you, and I’m sending you so much love, this Mother’s Day and always. Should you need additional support, you can book a session with me by clicking the link below.
All my Metta, Maria
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